What number of championships WOULD the Bulls have received with Elon Musk? A scientific investigation

Scottie Pippen has turned engagement farmer in an effort to advertise a shitcoin. It’s one hell of a fall for an NBA Corridor of Famer, however getting observed by Elon Musk appears to be a well-liked means for determined folks to make cash today with their verified Twitter accounts.

This weekend the bootlicking went past the pale with one of many stupidest questions and pictures to ever grace social media.

It’s one factor for a delusional fool to tweet like this, however Scottie is aware of the NBA and he is aware of rattling effectively how silly that is. In reality, anybody who has watched two seconds of NBA basketball of their lives is aware of how moronic this lob is, until you worship the bottom Elon walks on.

Let’s break this down with science although. How would Elon Musk have faired on the 1995-98 Bulls, amidst Jordan’s second three-peat after coming back from retirement?

What will we learn about Elon Musk, the athlete?

It comes right down to this actually.

Picture by Anna Moneymaker/Getty Pictures

The important thing to this picture is the bunting, which I’ve remoted because the “Full Flats with Stars & Stripes,” offered for $122.68 on the web site “Flag and Banner.” Elon was straight in step with the patriotic bunting when he jumped, and meaning we will use this to find out his vertical leap.

Flag and Banner listing the bunting as having a 3 foot peak, or 36”. From picture evaluation we will straight decide the peak of every banner part. It’s roughly 0.42 inches per pixel from the highest of the banner to the underside of the Flag and Banner preview picture. Elon’s heel falls roughly three pixels beneath the blue starred part of the banner. Which means that projecting Elon’s vert onto the banner offers us a vertical leap of 33 pixels, or a vertical leap of 13.86 inches.

Elon Musk is listed at 6’2, which we’ll take as truth. The final a part of the equation is understanding Elon’s wingspan. Fortunately this picture of him with Ghislaine Maxwell is ideal to work out his arm size.

Elon probably wears a 42 lengthy tuxedo coat, which has a sleeve inseam of 23” and a chest width of 19.5. With Elon’s fingertips falling slightly below the underside line of the coat we will calculate his complete wingspan to be roughly 5’11, although we’ll spherical as much as a fair six ft to be secure.

Which means that the quantity of efficient peak a leaping Elon Musk can contest a shot at is 9’2.

So the place does Elon match into the rotation?

Musk is a essential a part of the Bulls’ possibilities In Scottie’s assertion. Meaning he needs to be a starter. If we take a look at the 1995 Chicago Bulls roster there’s just one place he suits, and that’s level guard. Clearly his peak and common lack of athleticism wouldn’t permit him to contest something across the rim, so sadly for Ron Harper he’s getting bounced out of the beginning lineup, Steve Kerr’s minutes drop too — and the Bulls have a lineup of:

PG: Elon Musk
SG: Michael Jordan
SF Scottie Pippen
PF: Dennis Rodman
C: Luc Longley

The results of this?

Let’s simply be actual right here: Elon would common 0.0 factors within the NBA. This can be a uncooked manufacturing drop of 8.4 factors per recreation from the purpose guard place, which actually wasn’t an emphasis of the Bulls’ offense.

The principle drawback for Chicago is on the defensive finish, the place Harper was four-time NBA All-Defensive group participant. You’re changing a man who may lock down opposing level guards with … Elon Musk.

Let’s assume your entire common season went to plan. The Bulls nonetheless handle to win 72 video games and go all the best way to the NBA Finals towards the Seattle Supersonics. It’s right here that every little thing goes to hell.

Elon Musk is now tasked with guarding Gary Payton. NBA Corridor of Famer Gary Payton. The identical Gary Payton who averaged 18.0 factors within the collection when he was being guarded primarily by Ron Harper, who allowed 106 factors per 100 defensive possessions throughout this collection.

Musk can be the worst defender on the Bulls, and the injury he would trigger by permitting Payton to breeze by him on nearly each possession is incalculable. It’s secure to estimate that GARY PAYTON would rating at the very least 30 factors per recreation on this collection with Musk guarding him, and that could be conservative. Positive, we may assume that MJ comes over to double Payton (as a result of at this level he has to), which would go away open Hersey Hawkins, who was the Sonics finest perimeter shooter through the 1995-96 season.

If we take into consideration the extra 12 factors a recreation from Payton, in addition to the lack of 6.5 factors that Harper scored within the collection we now have a -18.5 level swing for the Bulls. Right here’s what occurs in that collection.

Sport 1: Sonics win 102-101 (Bulls received 107-90)
Sport 2: Sonics win 100-85 (Bulls received 92-98)
Sport 3: Bulls win 101-98 (Bulls received 108-86)
Sport 4: Sonics win 119-80 (Sonics received 107-86)
Sport 5: Sonics win 101-72 (Sonics received 89-78)

Sonics win 1995-96 NBA Championship (4-1)

So, what concerning the two years following? Oh, my candy summer time baby… it will get a lot worse. In each 96-97 and 97-98 the Bulls confronted the Utah Jazz. Now you’re asking Elon Musk to protect John Stockton, who shot 40% from three through the collection.

Each collection had been nearer than the Bulls-Sonics from 95-96. Stockton simply lights up Elon from past the arc, and fast estimations inform me the Jazz sweep the Bulls in each collection.

So to reply Scottie Pippen’s query…

“What number of championships would we now have received with Elon Musk?”

Adverse six. Six fewer. Neither of the 2 three peats occur. Your entire world wonders why a gradual, unathletic billionaire is taking part in level guard for the Chicago Bulls. Your entire dynasty crashes down. Phil Jackson is considered the worst coach in NBA historical past for beginning somebody as unhealthy as Elon on the level. Jordan doubtless by no means returns from his retirement, figuring out it might imply taking part in with Elon once more.

I hope that solutions your query, Scottie.