Friday, April 4, 2025

Each NFL coach’s actual job based mostly on their group picture

The NFL dropped one in all my favourite issues of the offseason: The official coach’s picture. Annually the league asks that every one 32 coaches be a part of collectively for a category picture throughout league conferences, and it by no means stops being entertaining.

What makes the coach picture particular is that there’s seemingly by no means a plan for this factor. Guys simply rock up in no matter garments they occurred to throw on and get herded like cats to get this shot. Consequently we get a way of their true personalities, and in the present day we’re breaking down the actual jobs of all these coaches in an alternate timeline.

Left to proper, again row first

Brian Daboll, Giants: Locksmith in Queens telling you it’s going to be $275 to open your door with a bank card

Mike McDonald, Seahawks: Works at his finest pal’s comedian guide retailer

Kellen Moore, Saints: Insurance coverage salesman who retains pressuring you to take out a life insurance coverage coverage in your baby irrespective of what number of occasions you say no.

Liam Coen, Jaguars: Youth pastor at a South Carolina megachurch

Todd Bowles, Buccaneers: Police sergeant, however like an excellent cop

Shane Steichen, Colts: Supervisor of a medical provide firm. Is aware of all the things about rest room chairs for the aged

Kevin O’Donnell, Vikings: Assistant supervisor at Shane Steichen’s medical provide firm

Mike Tomlin, Steelers: Proprietor/chef of a meals truck. Needed to rent a cashier as a result of he was too grumpy to deal with clients

Dan Campbell, Lions: Soccer coach

Sean Payton, Broncos: Proprietor/operator of ‘Flip Flops Grill’ in Redondo Seashore

Zac Taylor, Bengals: Bland father often featured in background of household YouTube channel

DeMeco Ryans, Texans: Bodily therapist who secretly enjoys seeing purchasers in ache

Dave Canales, Panthers: Private coach who will get only a little too near his purchasers

Brian Schottenheimer, Cowboys: Wendy’s supervisor who tells everybody his job is in “gross sales”

Mike Vrabel, Patriots: Exterminator you’re anxious might need inhaled an excessive amount of bug spray over time

Jonathan Gannon, Cardinals: Used automobile salesman who has a terrific deal on a 2004 Kia Optima you possibly can drive away in in the present day irrespective of how unhealthy your credit score is

Ben Johnson, Bears: Non-public golf teacher at Raleigh-area nation membership

Aaron Glenn, Jets: tenth grade English trainer, however his actual ardour is trumpet

Mike McDaniel, Dolphins: Improvised hip hop dance teacher in Flagstaff, Arizona

Matt LaFleur, Packers: Was once a semi-pro tennis participant. Now teaches Pickleball

Sean McDermott, Payments: Dentist with three excellent malpractice lawsuits

Nick Sirianni, Eagles: Working his household’s sports activities bar into the bottom. Featured in season three of Kitchen Nightmares

Andy Reid, Chiefs: Retired. Presently touring coast-to-coast in his RV

Sean McVay, Rams: Monetary planner advising all his clients to place their financial savings into “SpongeCoin.” Will finally bankrupt all of them and be investigated by SEC

John Harbaugh, Ravens: Arborist who provides ludicrous quotes for tree removing

Pete Carroll, Raiders: Kindly optometrist who makes too many puns about eyes

Jim Harbaugh, Chargers: Embezzlement

Kevin Stefanski, Browns: Baby remodeled into grownup with aide of an enchanted Zoltar machine

Kyle Shanahan, 49ers: Donates plasma

Brian Callahan, Titans: J.D. Vance lookalike for events. No person has ever booked him

Dan Quinn, Commanders: Host of a scared straight YouTube channel detailing what life in jail was like

Raheem Morris, Buccaneers (not pictured): John Cena

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