Bannerific SWAGs for the Boston Celtics 2024-25 season

The 2023-24 season exceeded all expectations and delivered a brand new banner that might be unveiled on the outset of this coming season. So my annual custom of previewing the yr with SWAGs (foolish, wild, astounding, guesses) faces a novel problem. How do I make these SWAGs …effectively, foolish and wild sufficient? Problem accepted.

The Celtics end the common season 81-1

The Celtics will lose a sport someday in late November and Joe Mazzulla might be so annoyingly gleeful in stating all of the crew’s errors in that sport that all of them vow to not lose one other sport simply to close him up.

Jokes on them although as a result of Joe begins maintaining observe of quarters received and misplaced. He makes up outrageous contests with prizes tailor-made to every participant. He arranges for Jaylen Brown to have dinner with a former Nobel Peace Prize winner. He builds a miniature sized Busch Stadium in Jayson Tatum’s yard so Deuce can play wiffleball there.

When the crew virtually blows a 30-point lead, he has all of them thrown right into a cage with growling wolves… solely to disclose that they’re really simply effectively disguised canine that simply wish to play catch.

For crew bonding, Joe groups up with a neighborhood Escape Room to recreate robbing Fenway Park on location.

Every button he pushes works like a attraction and other people begin referring to him as Savant Mazzulla.

Picture by Maddie Malhotra/Boston Purple Sox/Getty Pictures

Co-MVPs for Jayson Tatum and Jaylen Brown

Each shoot 45% from three on excessive quantity. Each put up jaw dropping stats and unselfishly share the ball and the limelight. The ball whips round, individuals instinctively make the subsequent proper move which (wouldn’t you recognize it) finally ends up discovering the precise individuals in the precise place which often means Tatum and Brown.

Their chemistry is off the charts as they play a flawless 2-man sport, run whole quick breaks with out dribbling, and even begin to end one another’s sandwiches. No one can determine who to present the MVP to, so they only make two trophies and hand them to the fellows (who instantly move backwards and forwards simply out of behavior).

Picture by Barry Chin/The Boston Globe by way of Getty Pictures

Co-coach of the Yr awards for Joe Mazzulla and Sam Cassell

I do know what you might be pondering. “I get Joe successful, however how does lead assistant Sam Cassell issue into this?” Effectively, someday round Christmas, Mazzulla goes to make use of his martial arts coaching to cease a gang of thugs from robbing an orphanage. Within the technique of preventing, he’ll injure his legs and his physician will insist on him taking six weeks off.

Cassell will fill in admirably, giving the very best sideline interviews and usually lighting up the world along with his beaming smile. He’ll go undefeated in his stint, however graciously provides credit score to Joe’s management and fortunately hand the clipboard again to Mazzulla in early February.

Co-Sixth Man awards for Payton Pritchard and Sam Hauser

Each have 50-40-90 seasons (and a excessive 40’s on 3’s) main the best way on a dominant 2nd unit that might make the play-in sport in the event that they had been a separate crew. “Why simply the play-in” you ask? Effectively, they wouldn’t have a variety of depth with simply 9 gamers. Although I suppose you could possibly promote some extra Maine Celtics (who’re additionally going to win their league title).

Simply give all of them the awards

You already know what, if this crew does find yourself successful 80+ video games, you would possibly as effectively hand all of them the awards. All Star and All-NBA groups, simply the Celtics roster. All-Protection, the Celtics starters. Rookie of the Yr, Baylor Scheierman. Most Improved, Jordan Walsh.

MTV Music Awards Track of the Yr, “Simply Do It” by Jaylen Brown. Albert Schweitzer Prize for Humanitarianism co-awarded to Al Horford and Jrue Vacation. Perhaps Boston doesn’t win the Clutch awards as a result of there are too many blowouts. Michael Jordan goes on document as saying, “naw, I couldn’t have beat these guys.”

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It goes with out saying that they’ll elevate one other banner on the finish of all this. They’ll beat powerful competitors (totally wholesome this time) and go away little doubt about who the beat crew within the land is.

And naturally, a vocal minority within the media will nonetheless discover methods to second guess and try to discredit their accomplishments.

Benefit from the yr! Go Celtics!!!